This Week's Featured Member: Naked In Eden Blog - Robin Easton
Posted by Robin Easton under: Hobnobbin' with Robin.
June 15, 2009
A look at forgiveness in the face of hate: Some time ago Liara Covert of Dream Builders Australia did a insightful post titled: "What do you do if someone hates you?" Below is part of my response to that post, with additional thoughts added.
1. When I feel hate from someone else, which almost never happens, I say to myself, "Although I'm not responsible for another's choice to hate, is there anything real I might have done that I need to take responsibility for?"
2. Then I choose to look at the situation on a soul or psychic level. I like to distinguish what might be someone else's feelings and what are mine. I can all too often and too easily feel another person's feelings. So I like to separate their feelings from mine. It allows me to more clearly see the situation and let go.
3. I've always seen hate as a secondary emotion, the original or base emotion being fear. I've experienced life as two fundamental emotions: fear and love…with various off shoots from these two emotions. In many cases if we can get to the base emotion we can more readily understand what's really happening.
4. I've learned to not carry someone else's emotions out of my own past conditioning. Example: If someone hates me (or is angry with me) and I take on that hate by feeling hurt or bad about myself — as if I deserve to be hated — I confirm several things for this person: A. That it's okay to hate. B. That what they are doing is working and okay to do with me. C. That they are a bad person. When someone treats us poorly and we respond with either hurt or anger, in their mind it often equates to, "See? I've hurt someone again, so I really must be a bad person." I don't think anyone really wants to hate. It hurts to hate an other person.
5. I've learned that I can set solid boundaries; I don't have to stay in the presence of someone who's sending out hate. It's not good for my spirit and soul. Likewise I've also learned to model love in the face of hate. If I feel love toward myself then I won't identify with someone's hate. I see that I am worthy of love, even with my failings and mistakes.
6. I try to meet anger or hate with real love, given freely, no returns expected. I go into myself and find the soul of that person who's hurting or frightened and I tell them they're safe and loved, and not just by me but by Life. I've seen amazing results doing this, even over great distance. I forgive them and myself. I forgive even while they are in a state of hate, because they are in a state of hate, because they are part of me and I am part of them. In forgiving them I forgive myself.
7. I've learned that in many cases people do change. People do heal. People do learn to love. Meeting hate with love and forgiveness can change (save) lives. It may take time, but no love, no forgiveness is ever wasted.
8. When we forgive someone else we're really forgiving ourselves, every time. It's easier to forgive if we can look at forgiveness as a gift we give ourselves as opposed to something we do for someone else or something we have to do.
9. As children we were often forced by our parents to forgive other people, even when we didn't feel sorry, even when we did nothing inappropriate. We learn to see forgiveness as a loss of self, something we have to give someone else instead of something we give ourselves. Forgiveness sets us free and on it's deepest level is really about self not "other".
10. There are many in the world who've been crushed by heinous acts of hate. These souls may never be able to forgive or even find peace. Some haven't seen kindness in so long they know the world only as cruel. But for many of us there is so much we can forgive. We must do it for those who are unable to forgive. We must do it for ourselves. We must forgive with no expectations in return, do it because we want an end to war, do it because no one else may do it…ever. Forgive simply because we like who we are and how we feel when we forgive. Forgive because it fills our world with hope; another drop of love falls into The Great Ocean of Peace. Will you take the first step with those in your life?
"Given the chance our love is like the gnarled and twisted tree. Exposed to the elements of wind and rain, it will hold fast to become a thing of beauty, a timeless work of art." ~ Robin Easton
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